In his book "God Don't Make No Junk" (The grammar in the title stinks, but the book itself is par excellence!), Billy Joe Grandstaff describes a testimony service where the testimonies glorify the devil rather than the Lord. Apooparently the people involved have been "turkey-ized" and really don't understand what the real, true, Biblical Christian life is all about. Wish I could give you these illustrations verbatim, but that would infringe upon fair copyright practices! So here's my paraphrase!
Sister De-Feat was the first to testify and told how hard it was to depend upon God's Word as His promises for healing didn't work and now she was worse off than before!
Sister Vinegar took the floor and commiserated that she knew what Sister De-Feat was going through. Seems her dead husband's sister married a guy whose mother's fourth husband loved the Lord, attended church regularly, was faithful in paying his tithes but still died from cancer.
Sister Bucketmouth was next and claimed that this was the most difficult week of her entire life since she became a Christian. "The devil has been on my back all week, bless His Holy Name," she declared and wondered if the Lord even heard her prayers. Said she'd been wishing, hoping, and praying for the Lord to give her strength; but even so, she almost backslid before time to come to prayer meeting.
Sister Motorbeak took the floor next and told how difficult her Christian walk was as none of her family were Christians. She bemoaned the fact that her newly-converted husband couldn't take the ridicule of his co-workers so gave up on his walk with the Lord and now was meaner than the devil himself. She thinks God did all this for a reason like maybe trying to teach her something.
Sister Dark Cloud told how it took her forty-seven years to be filled with the Holy Ghost. She thinks the Lord ought to give her strength, especially since the Bible says, "Every tub must stand on its own bottom." So she's trying to stand on her own but is so fearful that she'll backslide at any time.
Pastor Drydust looked so sad as he stood to close the testimony meeting. He told how his neighbor wanted to come to church with him that night; but he told his friend he was so discouraged he didn't even know if he was going to church himself even though he was the pastor! "But the Holy Ghost got me here in spite of myself," he said. He requested prayer for his neighbor, that his spiritual eyes would be opened because he needed the same wonderful experience that all these other people had testified about!
I'm afraid such testimonies are popular in church services today (if you can even find a church that still has testimony meetings)! But they are NOT Biblical!
Somewhere along the line these people have been "turkey-ized"!
See ya tomorrow with another question!
Preacher's Kid
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